Remind yourself… P.U.S.H

20200116_134233Photo: Adam Zimman

Sometimes, we just need a reminder that Positivity Ultimately Sustains Health.

Throughout my lifetime I have learned time and time again on how it is important to MAKE QUALITY TIME to take care of myself.  When I was younger I admit to solving my emotional issues by going to parties… (you get the picture) and distract myself from the reality of my own pain. I was an expert at mastering the distraction cycle: negative experience, find a distraction, suppress the feeling, move on, and repeat. 

Unfortunately in our current world, to discuss these internal feelings of struggle are frowned upon.  Growing up, I was conditioned to not show signs of weakness.  It was not ok to cry or be angry in public due to the fear of what others might think of me. 

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FACT: regardless of what you do whether it is good or bad, there will always be opinions.

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Social media, depending on how it is utilized,  allows us to control what others perceive.  I call this concept selective choice.  For example, consciously editing pictures to make them “prettier” and taking multiple pictures to obtain that “perfect angle.” We often use the number of “likes” and comments or lack thereof to seek external validation.  Ask yourself, do you invest this energy to make these changes for you or for others?

What we hardly share is the work and the process.  What is going on behind the scenes?  Iconic figures such as Ellen and Oprah have shared their past struggles and what stands true in the public eye is their strength and authenticity.  What makes them inspirational is that they are able to display not only their success, but also their humanity.

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“If you can’t ask for help without self-judgment, you cannot offer help without judging others.”- Brené Brown

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My ego has led me to believe that I can figure this out on my own.  The more I followed the ego, I fell into the same old habits because I could not see beyond my own awareness. I needed a new pair of fresh eyes to look at me objectively to bring in a new perspective to my process. 

My self-love journey has required intention, dedication and constant daily practice.  It took vulnerability to ask for help and to surrender to uncertainty.  Sitting in this uncertainty helped me to create an environment that is supportive of this new change that is conducive to my growth. 

Bottom line, it is ok to ask for help and guidance during the process of change.  In allowing ourselves to be open to change we naturally, sometimes without even being conscious, create the right steps to help move us in the right direction. 

Here are a few reminders:

  • We all have our own meaning of health and our unique process of being healthy. 
  • The effort we put into our external self takes just as much effort to put into our internal self.
  • You can always choose which path you want to walk.
  • Create what you want to see and allow time to let it unfold.
  • Surround yourself with like-minded people who you find supportive.
  • Be open to different perspectives.
  • Take the number of steps daily that allows you to feel balanced.
  • Celebrate along the way.

*Thank you to all of my mentors, coaches, and educators.  I would not be who I am without your guidance.

#positivityultimatelysustainshealth #hiphopnpsf  #rndcoaching  #selflove  #health  #happiness  #positivity #coaching  #life  #change  #inspiration  #meditation  #presentmoment  #livenow  #renewal  #happylife  #peace  #humanconnection  #yon2020  #yearofthenurse  #nurse #nursepractitioner #smile #healing #create #consciouschoices #exercise #motivation

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2020 vision, TIME TO REFOCUS

Rosie34

2020 vision, TIME TO REFOCUS.

Happy New Year !

For those who do not know me, my name is Rosemarie Dominia.  I am 34 years old, and from San Francisco, California. I am currently a Nurse Practitioner and have been in the profession for 13 years, and am a hip hop Dancer.  It has been a couple of years since I have written a blog.  I must say that my life has been through a lot of change in the last 2-3 years, especially in 2019.

January of 2019 started with my Dad passing away suddenly from a heart attack and I was a witness to his transition of this life and into the next.  The universe literally put in my face the meaning of,  “life is short and that anything can change at any moment,” which for me was a millisecond.  I have no regrets of my relationship with my Dad, however, his passing taught me the importance of not just making every second count, but to live each second awake, present and with joy.  The thoughts of practicing this profound litany was strong and I was determined.  But what came next was the hardest part, the PURGE.  In the process of transforming my life, I had to let go of things, which included situations and individuals where energies did not mesh well but more importantly my own patterns of thought that had no longer served me. In essence, this transformation is like one of the Phoenix, burn to ash and be reborn once again.

When GRIEF and STRESS reach its climaxes together, the body does what it needs to do to be resilient.

I left a job that made great money, however, it was not my true passion, and found myself in constant cycles of feeling stressed and unhappy.  As a result, my health spiraled downhill very quickly. In July through August of 2019, which is the moment I let go, I gained close to 20 pounds, my hands and legs were swollen, and I was extremely fatigued.  I was internally inflamed.  The evaluation in an otherwise healthy person lead to ruling out conditions such as cancer.  Luckily, that was not the case and an official medical diagnosis still could not be established.  I sought out care from a Holistic Medicine doctor who truly knew the core of my illness: GRIEF.  How do you treat grief? There was no quick fix, other than going back to the basics of rest, eating healthy and the hardest part, feeling and sitting through the difficult moments.  Once the physical symptoms started to resolve, I fell into a major depressive episode, which was from September through November of 2019.  My brain finally had the capacity to work through the heavy emotions that came from all of the back to back changes.

Back story: since 2014, (REFER to the first BLOG post Ready to disclose), I made the conscious choice of loving myself , which was the FIRST step of my transformation. Owning all that has happened to me has made me stronger and I am not ashamed of what I have been through.

 

The healing process continues.  I can write with true honesty that the ability to clearly share these thoughts with all of you is to provide insight on the power of self-love. Without having the ability to know myself, I would not have been able to navigate through the tough terrain of my adversities in 2019.

Here is where I am now:

I am OWNING ME.

I am OWNING all of my weaknesses and strengths.

I am OWNING my magical power of healing others.

I am OWNING my true calling, to become an ENTREPENEUR.

I am OWNING all of my joyful and fearful moments of this journey.

I am OWNING that I will start my coaching business, REACHING NEW DEPTHS, which will provide a safe space for those looking to TRANSFORM their lives by owning their unique strengths to have FREEDOM in life to do ANYTHING. (COMING SOON!)

I intend and look forward to continue sharing this journey with all of you and to meet new individuals in person and virtually.   

As I sit here writing this the only thought in my mind is that I am excited to have my 2020 vision back.

with Love and Kindness,

Rosie aka the HipHopNPSF

Interested to CONNECT?

Follow me

Blog: rosemariedominia.blog

Instagram: hiphopNPSF

YouTube: Rosemarie Dominia

 NOTE: THANK YOU to all who were supportive during my healing: to my Partner Una, my Family, Friends, SoulForce Dance Company (Dance Family), INCA Sisters (Cohort 26), Dr. Giulietta Octavio and all of those who shared their support spiritually.

Clear to disclose…The story behind the self-love journey.

Rosemarie 32.4

The Self-Love Journey

Clear to Disclose…

2018: My life as I know it is alive and breathing. In each moment, I have consciously stayed awake to embrace each color, smell, texture, sound and interaction. Through videos and photography, I have shared snippets of my self-love journey. This blog is intended to share the story behind the self-love journey.

In 2014, I made the conscious choice of choosing to discover what self-love really meant.  At that time, I just got out of a long term relationship, someone I thought I would get married to and spend the rest of my life with.  It was clear we wanted different things and it was not going to work. I was not sure what would be next. I felt empty and it was painful. But in the midst of that pain, I knew the only thing I could do was to move forward, but how? And that is how I made the choice to choose self-love.  It was not going to be an easy journey and there were many dark closets that have been kept close for many years to not feel pain.

One thing I have learned is that we are all born with an innate beauty. Through time, that beauty can become clouded by what we perceive to be negative experiences.  At the end of 2014, I did not want to run away.   The only way that felt right was to find peace by unlocking these doors, revisiting these memories and to sit in its unresolved uncertainties. It was time to be brave and courageous for myself. No one could heal these wounds permanently except for me.

A few of the doors I had to walk through was the bullying I had to endure through grade school, my peers making fun of my eczematous skin, my clothing, constantly calling me “ugly” or looking like a “man”. The adults who told me I could not amount to anything if I did not change my attitude.   The judgment and criticalness from those close to me, “Why are you fat?” or “Why do you look like that?”  “What is wrong with you?”  #metoo, the darkest of my doors, happened to me more than 20 years ago. I can still recall feeling frozen, lying there innocently, unable to respond to something I could not comprehend.  I can replay in my head every single movement that transpired.  In intimate relationships, I had experienced physical and emotional abuse, memories, which are ingrained into my thoughts and until this day I am still healing from.

I grew up with many insecurities and it translated through every relationship, especially intimate relationships.  I could not truly believe others when they would say that they believed in me or thought I was beautiful without a thorough explanation of “why?” I could not receive positivity.   The deep rooted anger, sadness and disappointment… The impulsive hateful actions that came out of me to respond when I needed to defend myself…  I hated being in my body. I could not look at myself in the mirror.  I was impulsive, reactive and turned to “certain” things for a quick fix.  The internal battle was heavy. I fed off of negativity and believed this was the way that I am and the only way I could be. If others thought this about me, this is who I must be. I defined myself through the affirmations or lack of affirmations from others.

What changed in 2014? I hit rock bottom. In hindsight it was a blessing because I had the opportunity to start from a clean slate. I knew it was not going to be easy and I promised myself that I would be honest and do the best that I can and take the time that I needed to love myself.  The journey is not linear.  It has been a treacherous walk through fires, clouds, winds, rainstorms with thunder and lightning, hurricanes and even earthquakes.  I have met many walks of life, from different ages, culture, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status etc… I have opened my life to things beyond my knowledge, or in other words have walked and still walk into the unknown. Trusting in the universe that this is what I am meant to experience in that moment consciously, was the approach.  I have continued to make mistakes and have made some impulsive decisions that have lead to a downward spiral. I have made friends and have lost them, I have cut ties and let go of things that did not apply healthily in my life.  I do not regret my choices.

I started to realize the true meaning of the saying, “the only constant thing in life is change.”  Moments are fluid. Pieces of a puzzle only fit when they fit. But once its inner configurations start to change, externally the shape of the puzzle piece changes, hence it does not fit.  Just like human nature, the fluidity of moments constantly breaks apart and reforms. We wonder why things get frustrating when we start to change.  It is because what we once knew to work no longer applies. We might not know that on a conscious level, but subconsciously or even unconsciously a chemical reaction begins and a new path is created.  It is up to the individual to choose what is next.

I grew up with deep rooted anger and through the work I have realized my anger came from not feeling supported. When something truly made me happy on a deep level, I would hold onto it and try to find that same sense of happiness. In doing that I unknowingly closed the door to other opportunities that had the potential of making me feel the same or even a greater happiness. I had tunnel vision. I could not receive compliments because I did not feel worthy.  I realized what I felt about myself internally, is the kind of energy I attracted.  I have noted this to be true and not until the last 1-2 years have I felt the natural happiness of life. I am attracting others who are similarly minded and who naturally flow without effort.

Although I have walked my journey alone, as we all are destined to do, I am not alone.  I am thankful and blessed to have my family and friends who have walked by my side no matter what I have gone through. The success I have made is due to the healthy choices I continue to make on a daily basis.  I exercise, dance, journal, meditate, listen to music, play instruments… I have seeked help from a therapist and life coach to help me on this journey.  27 years of unraveling the hardened but not permanent layers that were created….  Every day I choose to put in the INTENTIONAL work.

A friend recently asked me, who is it that I want to be?  My answer was I want to be an honest, loving, kind, humble, open, strong, determined, driven individual in every circumstance, moment and second of my life. My human nature is a vulnerable one, always from the heart, I am willing to take chances and weigh the pros and cons the best I can.  By coming back to my roots and steering away from imperfection and minimizing expectations, I approach situations with equanimity and compassion.  Yeah, that is me, Rosemarie Nagal Dominia, the Woman, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Aunt, Cousin, Nurse, and Dancer.  I am clear that I have the freedom to change my perspective in any given moment. To feel stuck is an option not an ending.  My eyes and heart are open, still with some fear but not afraid to be the authentic ME. It is just the beginning of the evolution.

It is nice to meet you.

I am Rosemarie and I am clear to disclose.

Feel free to share this post if you feel inspired.

Photo credit: Ephraim Mardicas